The 2008 Presidential Election has come and gone. While I’m sure there are some of you out there who aren’t happy with the outcome, now that it’s over, I think we can all agree that it’ll be nice to see the endless debate and discourse settle down so we can get back to liking each other. That’s why I figure, hey, why don’t I write a political humor article to get people all ticked off again?

It goes without saying that your world view tends to be reflected in your choice of candidate, but the effects that your personal philosophies have on your homebrewing habits may be more subtle. Let’s take a look at the sorts of homebrewers that supporters of the different candidates may be:

Barack Obama Supporters (Democratic Party)

After carefully examining the failed beers brewed previously, you throw out all of your recipes, pledging to bring new brewing ideas to the table without really specifying anything. Nevertheless, your beers have won you a lot of devoted followers, though they do sometimes come off as a little bit fanatical.

John McCain Supporters (Republican Party)

You focus on all of the big, high ABV beers, the theory being that what you bestow on them will trickle down to the weaker brews (which, coincidentally, your wealthy in-laws make quite a lot of money on). You frequently attack beers brewed by Obama supporters. Also, you were a POW in Vietnam.

Chuck Baldwin Supporters (Constitution Party)

You firmly support the Reinheitsgebot, and try to base your recipes on the fundamental laws it sets down. You support any homebrewer who wishes to secede from the AHA.

Bob Barr Supporters (Libertarian Party)

You tend to focus on your own brewing, and prefer not to intervene in other brewer’s lives, to the point where you refuse to give your homebrewer friends any assistance when they ask for it. In fact, you believe they would use your help against you in the end. You oppose any federal definition of brewing.

Cynthia McKinney Supporters (Green Party)

You do your best to minimize waste when you brew. You use only organically grown malts and hops, and you compost everything when you’re done. You embrace all kinds of beers, and wish for everyone you know to participate in the creation of your recipes. No one seems to notice that you’re Black, too.

Ralph Nader Supporters (Independent)

Though people generally do not object to your beers, not many are particularly interested in drinking them, either, no matter how often you try to brew. Recently, you’ve made a few off-color beers that you later had to apologize for.

Ron Paul Supporters (write-in)

You believe that your beers should be what they want to be, so long as they don’t impinge on any other beer’s right to do the same, and so you tend to exert minimal control when writing your recipes. You provide a few ingredients and try to give your beer guidance, but ultimately, you believe that whatever the beer ends up being will be ultimately good. That said, you absolutely, positively refuse to support another brewer’s decision to abort a beer currently fermenting.

Disclaimer: This is just a stupid blog post so seriously don’t get all bent out of shape all right?

Homebrewing, Opinion 2 Comments »